Top Ten List For Writer Performance Anxiety

Having received a phone call to let me know that my son's gall bladder exam has been found to be "abnormal" and a follow-up will be required, and the nurse alludes to a referral to a surgeon, all the normal anxieties of such information attack. Dizzyingly.

Not being given to high drama, it is best to put my emotional efforts into considering referrals, treatment courses, objectives, and, oh, yeah, my deadline in four days.

Along with the synopsis which was due last week.

Shall I mention the promise I made my children that I would not allow deadlines to seep over into June?

When I made that promise, I didn't anticipate the emotions and time detriment of the unknown world of pediatric gall issues, whatever they may be.

I find my insides quite tight with fear, from fear of the unknown, and the deadline specter. What to do, then?

Tina's Top Ten List For Writer Performance Anxiety

1. Wail on sympathetic friends. They feel for you, offer you the comforting shoulder, and alleviate your need to obsess over every detail within earshot of suffering child and suffering husband. This is his only son we're talking about, and the thought of a surgical instrument anywhere near his child is rendering him somewhat less than helpful.

2. Blog. It's a great mind-sweeper. And who cares if the blog stinks on ice? Maybe I'll work all the pedantic purple prose and palpitating pink peni--oops. Blogs don't kill good writing; writers do.

3. Begin to organize. I have to do both these things, so I should endeavor to do my best. If this is not possible, I will go back to number 1, with either Merlot or organic hot tea at hand. In direst moments of self-pity, Starbucks no-whip hot chocolate may be administered.

4. Take deep breaths. Exercise. Oh, who am I kidding? Like I'd really exercise right now. I want to cry, I want to get a pedicure, but exercise? Nah. Who do I think I am--Suzanne Somers?

5. Consider Suzanne Somers, actually. A Thighmaster might not be an intellectually heavy-weight way to deal with issues . . . however, I don't need equipment right now, but her sunny atttitude and positive spirit when dealing with issues could be a plus. Oprah Winfrey is another individual who radiates positive life force--despite her usually overly-agonizing choice of book club selections. Scatter lovely positive thought cards around the computer as well.

6. Classical music. Alternate with headbanging music. In darkest moments, harp. Or Pat Benatar. How did she ever pack so much vocal punch into that small, thin frame?

7. Stare at computer. Surely more stare time results in more words typed and less emotion frittered into the ozone. Emotion needs to be on paper, where it belongs! In fact, let's really turn the screws on the hero and heroine in a non-abusive sort of way, if there is such a thing from a writer's standpoint. Don't we actually find it secretly cathartic when we wring our characters from one point of disaster to another, watching them struck down to their very knees with agony? And then raising them to the heights of joy and pleasure, like well-trained and satisfied phoenixes?

8. Write sex scene. Act out sex scene with husband. Ah . . . the delights of cathartic intervention.

9. Delete number 8. While afternoon delight will be wonderful, it will take me away from the computer, and editors really just want the manuscript on time.

Finally, number 10. Remembering that this list has as much depth to it as David Letterman's nightly Top Ten routine, I'll just try to smile my way through it. Small goals, a page here and there between anxiety attacks, and diligent focus interspersed with some forced positive thinking may be the only way to gut this one out. Read list again, and remember, the writing community cherishes their dramatic writers who achieve much despite opium addictions and bloodletting.

Think how much more admirable I'll be if I do all of the above with only a few quarts of Starbucks hot chocolate--no whipped cream!


Currently listening to : A dull roar inside my skull
Currently reading: Johns Hopkins material
Currently cooking: Chinese stirfry
Current rage: Shiseido face tissues for when you're just too tired to do the nighttime makeup routine--they smell great!
Word of The Day: POSITIVE